Who Is Contact Us Girl?

Contact Us

Ever get the feeling you’re being followed? No matter which website I go to or what I’m looking for, I get cyber stalked by an ever-smiling, headset-sporting member of staff. The same member of staff.

This woman has been plying her wares across the globe for years, often working for several companies at the same time. In the spirit of legendary investigator Dirk Gently, I set out on a mission to track her down.

Tools Of The Trade

Among an arsenal of tools at the disposal of an investigative journalist, is a nifty little thing called ‘Google Image Search’. By simply uploading an image of our mystery woman, I was able to ascertain her true identity:

Contact Us Girl

Google has unmasked this duplicitous scam-artist as none other than Contact Us Girl. As we begin to delve into her past, we uncover a woman of many talents…

An eye for fashion

Contact Us Girl Fashion

Unrivaled financial acumen

Contact Us Finance 1

Contact Us Girl Finance 1

Passed the BAR

Contact Us Girl Law 2

Contact Us Girl Law Legal

Supreme technical expertise

Contact Us Girl Tech Support

Contact Us Girl IT Support

An eye for fabulous holiday destinations

Contact Us Girl Tourism

Artistic with a scalpel…

Contact Us Girl Plastic Surgery

…and a dental drill

Contact Us Girl Dental

Contact Us Girl has also dabbled in hospitality, career advice, sales training, business strategy, language teaching, web design, recruitment, and gambling.

If The Shoe Fits…

Clearly, our fly-by-night is a high level imposter, seemingly able to turn her hand to any task. As befitting her name, Contact Us Girl has also spent a significant amount of time perfecting her ‘contact us now’ smile:

Contact Forms

Going Underground

Despite her undeniable talents, life wasn’t always rosy for Contact Us Girl. After being caught stealing chips by the pitt boss at her casino job, she went dark for several months, fleeing across the globe and changing her identity. After setting up her own jungle safari business in Southern India, she posed as the suave businessman ‘Rajesh Tiwari’:

Contact-Us-Girl-Funny-2

 And an Argentinian cleaning lady

Contact-Us-Girl-Funny-3

 And occasionally, a trucker

Contact Us Girl Trucker

Where Is She Now?

After going off piste with her previous ventures, I tracked Contact Us Girl down on LinkedIn, this time masquerading as global head-hunter ‘Kelsey Johnson’

Contact Us Girl LinkedIn

Based in Argentina, yet graduated from the Russian University of Humanities – sounds about right for this cunning trickster. But I’m at a loss as to what to do now. How do I figure out if this is really her?

What Would Dirk Do?

An avid practitioner of holistic investigationism, Dirk, when faced with a brick wall such as this, would no doubt try to look at the bigger picture. How might Contact Us Girl be connected to the wider world?

Let us return to Google Image Search, this time using the text lookup feature:

Google Image Search

Shit. This master of disguise has now obtained Mission Impossible face mask technology!

Bitten Off More Than I Can Chew

After tracking her across decades and continents, this final twist has brought me right back to square one. One man alone cannot carry this burden. Please, help me track down Contact Us Girl – let me know if you see her and what she’s up to now.

My plea is simple, but not without risk. A master of every discipline, this ageless and faceless master phonesmith will ensnare you with a single look, extracting your money and ultimately, your soul. You have been warned.

Comments

25 thoughts on “Who Is Contact Us Girl?

    1. Shame on your Dan! Although I doubt anyone involved in the web over the last 10 years hasn’t used at least one iteration of her Mission Impossible faces.

  1. Alas, she was last noted modelling in South Africa looking wildly different and only slightly less downloaded than her friend, and now wife of Yuri – the microstock king, that is Emma Wang.

  2. I think that the Contact Us Girls is one of the less known and thought about legends of the Internet. I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed that in the end her true identity wasn’t revealed, it is probably for the better. The search for her would be a great idea for a documentary though 😀

    1. That’s quite funny – and Contact Us Girl is the model in most of the shots with him in the stock pics it runs through 🙂

  3. This post is worthy as a ‘reprint’ on buzzfeed. Yes, She is a woman of many faces and trades. WOW! I just wonder how many webpages (after all these years) has she been on?

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